It's where I'm at now.
Look at it as twitter meets blogger.
I won't be posting on here again for a while, possibly ever again.
If you'd like to keep up, go here: http://mattparadiso.tumblr.com/
See you on the dark side of the moon...
Monday, November 10, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
In The End
Too much has happened in the past two years…I look back on some of these entries and laugh now.
Ultimately, my only hope is that I have changed for the better.
In most aspects of my life, I think I have.
To catch the story up to speed, I offer the following “Condensed Soup” version of the past 17 months.
The ex-roommate fell in “love” with some guy, they had a baby, and he thinks its mine. She has got to be the cutest kid I have been around. Happy, laughing all the time, good tempered. A lot like me in general. (For the Record, I have not even come within ten feet of her with our clothes off, excluding living together in a house with walls between us.)
Another roommate moved into the new house around the corner, then moved out this past December. My brother met a “girl” over the Internet. She came to visit and then moved here permanently. We didn’t get along very well, then I started to embrace Buddhism/Hinduism and gave up on hating people. (We speak sometimes about things other than the weather. I’m still working towards leveling the field.) My cousin moved back from CT, started having serious panic attacks, asked a mutual friend of ours to move in and now he’s here. My sister left my mom’s place and moved in here with a friend of hers. An old supervisor from my last job passed away in January of this year and an old co-worker of mine took that as a sign to move in/crash on an air mattress in the spare room. (For those keeping score, that would be eight people living in a five bedroom, three-and-a-half bathroom house.)
The rest of the family is fine, that I know of. I went through a period of absolute pain with the job at the big name cable company and quit. Spent five months looking for a new job, worked at a chain restaurant that’s name has a color and a type of bird in it, then went back to the most famous fast food chain IN THE WORLD before heading back to customer service at one of our nation’s wireless carriers. Started in December of last year and quit February fourth of this one.
The death of the aforementioned supervisor has brought many things to light, not the least of which is how valuable our time here is. While in attendance at his funeral, I also discovered that not only do the good die young, but they go out in style. There had to have been over 500 people in attendance, a fifth of them affiliated with the old job. There were cherry pickers parked in front of the church to let people know where to pull in. Through it all, there was a bit of happiness involved. His death allowed me to reconnect with some people who I never thought I’d come across again and see them with a renewed sense of sympathy.
This man who came over to my house and spent so many nights drinking and talking until the early hours of the morning, this man who spent time with me after his grandmother died attempting to cope desperately with her loss, this man who was so much to so many had died.
He left behind a legion of fans, ex-girlfriends, co-workers, a sister, a son, an ex-wife, a wife, and a huge amount of family outside of all of that.
It was a wake up call to me and another reason I am very happy to be on the path I have chosen spiritually. I won’t look down on anyone anymore. I refuse to take my life for granted. I won’t end up one of Jigsaw’s victims. (Ha ha? Anyone get that? Email me if you need help with it.)
In the end, it does really matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it does really matter.
All in all, a pretty eventful almost year-and-a-half.
I’ll let more out as time goes by, but suffice to say I am where I ought to be for now.
Until the next belated update,
Much love to you all.
Ultimately, my only hope is that I have changed for the better.
In most aspects of my life, I think I have.
To catch the story up to speed, I offer the following “Condensed Soup” version of the past 17 months.
The ex-roommate fell in “love” with some guy, they had a baby, and he thinks its mine. She has got to be the cutest kid I have been around. Happy, laughing all the time, good tempered. A lot like me in general. (For the Record, I have not even come within ten feet of her with our clothes off, excluding living together in a house with walls between us.)
Another roommate moved into the new house around the corner, then moved out this past December. My brother met a “girl” over the Internet. She came to visit and then moved here permanently. We didn’t get along very well, then I started to embrace Buddhism/Hinduism and gave up on hating people. (We speak sometimes about things other than the weather. I’m still working towards leveling the field.) My cousin moved back from CT, started having serious panic attacks, asked a mutual friend of ours to move in and now he’s here. My sister left my mom’s place and moved in here with a friend of hers. An old supervisor from my last job passed away in January of this year and an old co-worker of mine took that as a sign to move in/crash on an air mattress in the spare room. (For those keeping score, that would be eight people living in a five bedroom, three-and-a-half bathroom house.)
The rest of the family is fine, that I know of. I went through a period of absolute pain with the job at the big name cable company and quit. Spent five months looking for a new job, worked at a chain restaurant that’s name has a color and a type of bird in it, then went back to the most famous fast food chain IN THE WORLD before heading back to customer service at one of our nation’s wireless carriers. Started in December of last year and quit February fourth of this one.
The death of the aforementioned supervisor has brought many things to light, not the least of which is how valuable our time here is. While in attendance at his funeral, I also discovered that not only do the good die young, but they go out in style. There had to have been over 500 people in attendance, a fifth of them affiliated with the old job. There were cherry pickers parked in front of the church to let people know where to pull in. Through it all, there was a bit of happiness involved. His death allowed me to reconnect with some people who I never thought I’d come across again and see them with a renewed sense of sympathy.
This man who came over to my house and spent so many nights drinking and talking until the early hours of the morning, this man who spent time with me after his grandmother died attempting to cope desperately with her loss, this man who was so much to so many had died.
He left behind a legion of fans, ex-girlfriends, co-workers, a sister, a son, an ex-wife, a wife, and a huge amount of family outside of all of that.
It was a wake up call to me and another reason I am very happy to be on the path I have chosen spiritually. I won’t look down on anyone anymore. I refuse to take my life for granted. I won’t end up one of Jigsaw’s victims. (Ha ha? Anyone get that? Email me if you need help with it.)
In the end, it does really matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it does really matter.
All in all, a pretty eventful almost year-and-a-half.
I’ll let more out as time goes by, but suffice to say I am where I ought to be for now.
Until the next belated update,
Much love to you all.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Por Supuesto, or in English, Of Course…
It has been a while since I wrote on here. Veterans Day was on the 11th and the entire country didn’t notice. The elections are over and the Dems took over.
It’s done. Now, for the complicated part.
We, as a country, need to stay on top of these fuckers to make sure that the moderates don’t start to slip on over to the dark side and pass tax cuts for the rich and screw the rest of us non-rich folks.
I promise to not let that fucking happen. Not on my watch.
Not supporting the troops. It’s a big thought. Anyone who says that we shouldn’t be in Iraq is clearly not supporting the troops. Anyone who says that if we don’t go to school that we’ll end up fighting a war in Iraq is obviously anti-troops. Anyone who voted for the Dems is unmistakably waiting for Allah to convert those troops.
Man, it’s amazing. They pulled it off. The Dems actually managed to get into both houses of Congress at a time when no one thought it was possible, and it looks like they did it with just a narrow space of support. No one is questioning the results, which leads me to two conclusions; the Repubs don’t care about midterms or the Dems are just a bunch of whiny bitches. I think it’s actually both. The Repubs don’t give a damn anymore. As long as they control the Big House, er, White House they don’t care.
On to the last part of this fragmented post, our failed republic.
I remember a time, (which was only about 10 years ago,) when the schools taught us about the branches of government and checks and balances. I remember a time when we were graduated from high school with a pretty decent understanding of how the system works, and at the very least, how to make the system work, should we ever need it. I remember a time when it was more important to teach us about the government than it was to teach us not to have sex, at all, for any reason. I think my parents’ generation can even remember this class they used to have called ‘Civics’ which taught all of the stuff needed to petition the government for anything, as well as how to register to vote, apply for a government job, and to take pride in dissent.
Where did this class go to? It’s been replaced with the anti-sex class and gay bashing class. Gone are the days of students learning about the Forefathers’ vision of the country, gone are the days of learning about legislative, executive, and judicial branches of government, and gone are the days of learning how to be active members of society rather than passive and accepting little sheep.
http://www.squidoo.com/civics/
Go there. Read about civics. Learn something, and then use it.
Let me bottom line this for you: If you refuse to participate in the system, it will implode and there won’t be a system to ignore anymore. No more “I’m busy” excuses. Take the time to learn this about your government before it morphs from the borderline demagogue it is into a full out fascist-based system loosely translated from the Christian Bible, and not the good translation about love thy neighbor, either.
I will be around. Send email to me about how mad you are and I will be sure to reply. Not some candyass pre-made reply either, a heartfelt screw yourself will be sent out immediately.
Until the next, much love to you all and Happy Turkey Day. I hope to have another post ready by then, but just in case.
It’s done. Now, for the complicated part.
We, as a country, need to stay on top of these fuckers to make sure that the moderates don’t start to slip on over to the dark side and pass tax cuts for the rich and screw the rest of us non-rich folks.
I promise to not let that fucking happen. Not on my watch.
Not supporting the troops. It’s a big thought. Anyone who says that we shouldn’t be in Iraq is clearly not supporting the troops. Anyone who says that if we don’t go to school that we’ll end up fighting a war in Iraq is obviously anti-troops. Anyone who voted for the Dems is unmistakably waiting for Allah to convert those troops.
Man, it’s amazing. They pulled it off. The Dems actually managed to get into both houses of Congress at a time when no one thought it was possible, and it looks like they did it with just a narrow space of support. No one is questioning the results, which leads me to two conclusions; the Repubs don’t care about midterms or the Dems are just a bunch of whiny bitches. I think it’s actually both. The Repubs don’t give a damn anymore. As long as they control the Big House, er, White House they don’t care.
On to the last part of this fragmented post, our failed republic.
I remember a time, (which was only about 10 years ago,) when the schools taught us about the branches of government and checks and balances. I remember a time when we were graduated from high school with a pretty decent understanding of how the system works, and at the very least, how to make the system work, should we ever need it. I remember a time when it was more important to teach us about the government than it was to teach us not to have sex, at all, for any reason. I think my parents’ generation can even remember this class they used to have called ‘Civics’ which taught all of the stuff needed to petition the government for anything, as well as how to register to vote, apply for a government job, and to take pride in dissent.
Where did this class go to? It’s been replaced with the anti-sex class and gay bashing class. Gone are the days of students learning about the Forefathers’ vision of the country, gone are the days of learning about legislative, executive, and judicial branches of government, and gone are the days of learning how to be active members of society rather than passive and accepting little sheep.
http://www.squidoo.com/civics/
Go there. Read about civics. Learn something, and then use it.
Let me bottom line this for you: If you refuse to participate in the system, it will implode and there won’t be a system to ignore anymore. No more “I’m busy” excuses. Take the time to learn this about your government before it morphs from the borderline demagogue it is into a full out fascist-based system loosely translated from the Christian Bible, and not the good translation about love thy neighbor, either.
I will be around. Send email to me about how mad you are and I will be sure to reply. Not some candyass pre-made reply either, a heartfelt screw yourself will be sent out immediately.
Until the next, much love to you all and Happy Turkey Day. I hope to have another post ready by then, but just in case.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Memorial Day 2006
First, thank you to the troops who died in the service of our country. Your sacrifices will truly never be forgotten.
On to my reasoning for the "Memorial" day posting.
While everyone is enjoying their cook-outs and day off, I would like to draw a bit of attention to the issues surrounding why we celebrate "Memorial" day.
The idea is to remember those of us who choose to dedicate their lives to protecting freedom. Historically, there have only been two wars to protect American freedoms and both occurred on American soil about 100 years apart from one another. I am referring to the American Revolution (1775-1783) and the American Civil War (1861-1865.)
The American Revolution was fought by a group of rag wearing ex-patriot Englishmen against the King of England's armed forces. It lasted about seven years and resulted in the freedoms you and I enjoy today.
The American Civil War was fought by the northern part of the United States, (at this time, referred to as the Union,) and the southern part of the United States, (at this time, the Confederacy.) It lasted about four years and reunited a country after a long period of perceived inequality, (rich white southerners felt that rich white northerners didn't know anything about being rich or white in the south and being a rich white slave owner.)
Ultimately, the other wars that have been fought in this country have been largely cosmetic. We were trying to appeal to immigrants, (WWI and WWII,) we were trying to stop the drug trade (Operation Just Cause,) we were trying to expand our borders because we had a mandate from God, (Spanish-American War and Mexican-American War,) we believed that communism was wrong, (Cold War, Vietnam War, Korean War,) or, we were just bored and needed a way to take the heat off of our own corruption, (Operation Iraqi Freedom, Desert Storm, War on Terrorism, War on Drugs, War on Homelessness.)
I realize that not all of the last few were armed conflicts between our nation and another but, perhaps it is time to make the following point: our nation could be more than a war based economy. Millions upon millions of men and women have decided to go into the military over the years; some for family pride, some for patriotism, others because there were no other options available. Many times, the reason is because there isn't anything else available to the person and the Army or Marines make a good pitch about school. If there was a way to make school funding available to those students who are super-intelligent, yet lacking the funds to attend school, how many wars could we fight then? If not all high school seniors in this country had to decide on whether to make money or go to school after graduation, where would all of the jobs be? If some companies took the time to invest in children who posses amazing text book skills, rather than kids that have amazing factory skills, OUR COUNTRY MIGHT NOT BE WAR BASED.
I am not insinuating that we no longer need a military force. I am saying that we might want to rethink how we consider the men and women who have given their lives "In protecting Freedom." Or, more specifically, how "Freedom isn't really free."
If the people who had died since the end of the Civil War in 1865 saw what we were doing to the other countries over the last 141 years, many of them would wonder what they fought for. The south wanted to be its own country and keep slavery legal, because the Christian bible said it was OK. The North wanted to have the South back because that's where all of the raw materials for their industries came from and because they wanted to punish the rich white slave owners for mis-using the text in the Christian bible
We are trying to level the playing field for people in other countries. I do not question our country's desire to help those in need however, I do question our referencing to the military as "Protectors of Freedom." The military goes wherever its Commander in Chief tells them, does whatever is asked of them for however long it takes, and does it all with the knowledge that we will consider them heroes, whether they come back to us with on a commercial airliner or a military one. That is a truly amazing sacrifice.
What about sending them into a hornet's nest to "defend" a freedom that wasn't even wanted? What about sending them after one person to avenge 3,000 deaths, just to turn around and send them after another? What about invoking the name of the Christian god whilst destroying another Muslim country's people and mosques? What about killing innocent civilians? What about running our country into the ground while trying to prove a point about American military strength? What about...I could go on forever.
Our men and women, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, children and grandchildren, uncles and aunts, nephews and nieces should be revered, not reposed. They should be able to serve their country without the fear of never coming home again. They should be able to serve the entire republic, not just the rich white ones.
As I wrote the above diatribe, images floated into my mind of the countless times in our country's history when a mother has lain her son or daughter to rest while fighting a war that only a select few believe in. A distraught father, retired from many years of service to his country, laying a rose on top of a casket that should hold him, not his son. A wife, shattered by the appearance of an army chaplain at her job, forcing herself to believe that she needs to work more than grieve.
I know that we are going through a period of indifference in this country, I just don't understand why. I feel pain whenever someone has to be told that their loved one or friend won't ever say hello to them, walk on the beach with them, drive them to school, be at another wedding, drink a beer at a barbecue, celebrate another birthday, or just breathe ever again.
The things that we ask our men and women in the service to carry out in the name of our country need to be questioned by someone. We are a bunch of ignorant, self-centered fucks content on driving to the end of our mile long driveway in our SUV to check our mail, leaving all of the lights on in a home when we aren't there because it makes us "safe" from the bad black men living across town who are waiting for us to go on vacation and rob the place, sitting our children in front of the TV rather than in front of a bookshelf, drinking our lattes and eating our burgers while talking on our cell phones and driving back to work. We also drink cases of beer at family gatherings, talk about how church is the only place to go and socialize when we should be asking our collective God to watch over our family while they are off fighting a war that no one quite knows why we are fighting, sitting in our trailers watching wrestling, out back building a shed or repairing one of the 50 cars in the front yard, going to the lake to fish or swim or drink, telling the kids to shut up while driving that Chevy Suburban to Wal-Mart at 2:00am, or wishing that our kids would become rich while they are too busy eating fast food and lapping up the bullshit that is fed to them everyday by their parents who think they can actually do something that no one in their family has ever done before.
The military does what it is told to do and never speaks a word otherwise.
Who does that leave to speak up for them?
Thank you veterans and current servicemen and servicewoman for your undaunted and amazing resilience to our imaginary crises as they have arisen over the last 141 years. Your service to our country, while not truly needed, is very much admired.
To the rest of us that believe that we are in serious shit now more than ever on the world stage: remember the words of one of the greatest civil rights leaders ever, Mahatma Gandhi, who said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
This is the only way to turn things around.
Happy day off, everyone.
Much Love to you all,
On to my reasoning for the "Memorial" day posting.
While everyone is enjoying their cook-outs and day off, I would like to draw a bit of attention to the issues surrounding why we celebrate "Memorial" day.
The idea is to remember those of us who choose to dedicate their lives to protecting freedom. Historically, there have only been two wars to protect American freedoms and both occurred on American soil about 100 years apart from one another. I am referring to the American Revolution (1775-1783) and the American Civil War (1861-1865.)
The American Revolution was fought by a group of rag wearing ex-patriot Englishmen against the King of England's armed forces. It lasted about seven years and resulted in the freedoms you and I enjoy today.
The American Civil War was fought by the northern part of the United States, (at this time, referred to as the Union,) and the southern part of the United States, (at this time, the Confederacy.) It lasted about four years and reunited a country after a long period of perceived inequality, (rich white southerners felt that rich white northerners didn't know anything about being rich or white in the south and being a rich white slave owner.)
Ultimately, the other wars that have been fought in this country have been largely cosmetic. We were trying to appeal to immigrants, (WWI and WWII,) we were trying to stop the drug trade (Operation Just Cause,) we were trying to expand our borders because we had a mandate from God, (Spanish-American War and Mexican-American War,) we believed that communism was wrong, (Cold War, Vietnam War, Korean War,) or, we were just bored and needed a way to take the heat off of our own corruption, (Operation Iraqi Freedom, Desert Storm, War on Terrorism, War on Drugs, War on Homelessness.)
I realize that not all of the last few were armed conflicts between our nation and another but, perhaps it is time to make the following point: our nation could be more than a war based economy. Millions upon millions of men and women have decided to go into the military over the years; some for family pride, some for patriotism, others because there were no other options available. Many times, the reason is because there isn't anything else available to the person and the Army or Marines make a good pitch about school. If there was a way to make school funding available to those students who are super-intelligent, yet lacking the funds to attend school, how many wars could we fight then? If not all high school seniors in this country had to decide on whether to make money or go to school after graduation, where would all of the jobs be? If some companies took the time to invest in children who posses amazing text book skills, rather than kids that have amazing factory skills, OUR COUNTRY MIGHT NOT BE WAR BASED.
I am not insinuating that we no longer need a military force. I am saying that we might want to rethink how we consider the men and women who have given their lives "In protecting Freedom." Or, more specifically, how "Freedom isn't really free."
If the people who had died since the end of the Civil War in 1865 saw what we were doing to the other countries over the last 141 years, many of them would wonder what they fought for. The south wanted to be its own country and keep slavery legal, because the Christian bible said it was OK. The North wanted to have the South back because that's where all of the raw materials for their industries came from and because they wanted to punish the rich white slave owners for mis-using the text in the Christian bible
We are trying to level the playing field for people in other countries. I do not question our country's desire to help those in need however, I do question our referencing to the military as "Protectors of Freedom." The military goes wherever its Commander in Chief tells them, does whatever is asked of them for however long it takes, and does it all with the knowledge that we will consider them heroes, whether they come back to us with on a commercial airliner or a military one. That is a truly amazing sacrifice.
What about sending them into a hornet's nest to "defend" a freedom that wasn't even wanted? What about sending them after one person to avenge 3,000 deaths, just to turn around and send them after another? What about invoking the name of the Christian god whilst destroying another Muslim country's people and mosques? What about killing innocent civilians? What about running our country into the ground while trying to prove a point about American military strength? What about...I could go on forever.
Our men and women, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, children and grandchildren, uncles and aunts, nephews and nieces should be revered, not reposed. They should be able to serve their country without the fear of never coming home again. They should be able to serve the entire republic, not just the rich white ones.
As I wrote the above diatribe, images floated into my mind of the countless times in our country's history when a mother has lain her son or daughter to rest while fighting a war that only a select few believe in. A distraught father, retired from many years of service to his country, laying a rose on top of a casket that should hold him, not his son. A wife, shattered by the appearance of an army chaplain at her job, forcing herself to believe that she needs to work more than grieve.
I know that we are going through a period of indifference in this country, I just don't understand why. I feel pain whenever someone has to be told that their loved one or friend won't ever say hello to them, walk on the beach with them, drive them to school, be at another wedding, drink a beer at a barbecue, celebrate another birthday, or just breathe ever again.
The things that we ask our men and women in the service to carry out in the name of our country need to be questioned by someone. We are a bunch of ignorant, self-centered fucks content on driving to the end of our mile long driveway in our SUV to check our mail, leaving all of the lights on in a home when we aren't there because it makes us "safe" from the bad black men living across town who are waiting for us to go on vacation and rob the place, sitting our children in front of the TV rather than in front of a bookshelf, drinking our lattes and eating our burgers while talking on our cell phones and driving back to work. We also drink cases of beer at family gatherings, talk about how church is the only place to go and socialize when we should be asking our collective God to watch over our family while they are off fighting a war that no one quite knows why we are fighting, sitting in our trailers watching wrestling, out back building a shed or repairing one of the 50 cars in the front yard, going to the lake to fish or swim or drink, telling the kids to shut up while driving that Chevy Suburban to Wal-Mart at 2:00am, or wishing that our kids would become rich while they are too busy eating fast food and lapping up the bullshit that is fed to them everyday by their parents who think they can actually do something that no one in their family has ever done before.
The military does what it is told to do and never speaks a word otherwise.
Who does that leave to speak up for them?
Thank you veterans and current servicemen and servicewoman for your undaunted and amazing resilience to our imaginary crises as they have arisen over the last 141 years. Your service to our country, while not truly needed, is very much admired.
To the rest of us that believe that we are in serious shit now more than ever on the world stage: remember the words of one of the greatest civil rights leaders ever, Mahatma Gandhi, who said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
This is the only way to turn things around.
Happy day off, everyone.
Much Love to you all,
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